WARNING: Long Read! but trust me it's worth it :)
After the love has gone...
Memories of a time that you were happiest with someone that is no longer a part of your life cut you like a knife if you let them. You may sit and ask yourself in silence “What did I do?” or “What can I do to get them back?” The emotions and thoughts of yesterday only make your head spin and your heart ache even more as you attempt to start picking up the pieces that was once your heart not knowing where or how to begin. You are not alone. Heart break is nothing new and the disappointment it brings
It’s hard but it happens.And it hurts.You love someone who may have loved you once upon a time. Or who acted like there was a possibility of love in return, but now there’s not. Or who simply doesn’t feel the same way and isn’t going to feel the same way.Maybe your ex seemed to love you deeply, too. And then he or she just switched off and hurt you in ways that were unimaginable at the height of your mutual love.
Maybe someone new came along and your ex left. Friends tell you that you are better than this new person in every way. But your ex is still with Mr. or Ms. New Thing. This new person is a snake in the grass and your ex doesn’t see it.This new person is immature, unavailable, spoiled, or just plain stupid. And your ex is enthralled nonetheless. What?
Or maybe there is no one else and nothing else. Your ex just fell out of love one day. Or failed to fall in love on the day you did. That’s even more baffling. Wait. You’re choosing nothing over me? What?
Or maybe your ex has spiraled into some other mind-set. He or she is depressed, upset, self-absorbed in some way. Don’t you want someone to help carry the burden? you ask. The answer you get is Please leave me alone. You’re freaking out. How is it that he or she wants you to help by going away? What?
You might have been the most loving, giving and best listener on the planet yet they still walked out on you.What gives? How can someone that is 100% dedicated to the relationship STILL be dumped? In short, people change. You might have been perfect in your partner’s eyes but something inside them changed allowing them to feel differently about you.
Maybe you initiated the breakup. Maybe your ex did. Whatever the situation, you’re left with a big pile of hurt. And it really hurts. You go over your exchanges repeatedly in your mind. Where did it go wrong or fail to go right? What should you have done that you didn’t? What did you do that you shouldn’t have?
You feel rejected and “less than.” You feel as if there is something really wrong with you. You wonder what you could do to make this person want you. Stop right there.
Forget about changing for someone else. Forget about bargaining for what you should have without bribing whatever deity/God you believe in. Forget about losing yourself just so this narrow-minded person will love you. Forget it! You deserve better—much better.
I Love You ...Now Go Away...
During the post-breakup period, you have three options:
The first is to spend all kinds of time, futile effort, and tears trying to win back your ex.
The second is to try to go on as if nothing has happened and continue down the same path that led you into yet another unsuccessful relationship.
The third option is to heal properly, look at what’s happened, and learn new ways to put together a healthy and whole life. Not only will this make you happier,it will also give you the best chance to find true love with a person who is good for you and to you. Although the last option is infinitely more attractive and assures sustained long-term happiness,most people choose the first, and when that doesn’t work, the second. Why? Because they have no idea how to do the third—to take charge of their lives.
After a breakup you may feel numb for a time, and then reality hits hard. When the feelings of loss and grief start to surface, you may be inclined to hide from them. You may try to avoid the pain through unhealthy behaviors—drugs, alcohol, food, sex, shopping,rebound relationships,workaholism, isolation, nonstop activity,* reconnecting with your ex—any number of avoidance behaviors. Or you may try to suppress it altogether and return to your life as if nothing happened. But the pain of not acknowledging the loss will eat you up inside or come out sideways, ruining another relationship down the road. Not dealing with this breakup might seem to make sense in the short term, but it will just add to your long-term misery. You’re probably already experiencing some of this. There may be past losses you’ve been afraid to face,and the pain of this new loss has opened the floodgates, allowing old losses to rush to the surface and compound the pain. If you suppress these feelings yet again, it will happen again somewhere down the line, with the mountain of suppressed feelings getting bigger and bigger.
But if you stop now to face your pain, you will mend and be happy, no longer on the run from past hurt.
@ men : Men have a tendency to drain their wallets in order to show someone
how much they love them or tend to go into panic mode in order to try and convince someone to come back.
@ ladies : Crying will get you no where if trying to win someone back.
You will only be seen as desperate and weak.
It is better to accept the breakup and cope with the lonely feelings and long nights
instead of justifying the breakup by proving to your ex that you are desperate and will not
leave them alone. Think of it this way, if you breakup…walk away in order to keep you together. Don’t add fuel to the fire and prove to your ex that you are weak, needy, desperate, lonely, depressed or panicked. By walking away, you are giving the impression that you can handle anything. This is very difficult to do but by doing this, you are giving your ex exactly what they wanted which in turn is a loving act.
and yet maybe you are thinking or asking "WHY do I have to walk away and be the tough one when I want him/her back?" But hey! How can you convince someone that you love them by begging them back to you or annoying them to no end? You can’t.
To clear on something, the moment someone breakup with you, you are officially single BUT… now read this part very carefully, your partner has lost all exclusive rights to you but you must give them the same benefit. You cannot pretend that you can still openly communicate just because in the past you were used to it.
And worse Blaming yourself for a breakup is not the answer. Why give yourself the extra burden of trying to cope with a breakup by blaming yourself? Blaming solves nothing let alone carrying the burden all by yourself on your shoulders. Just because someone threw in the towel doesn’t mean you are worthless.If you feel that you are not good enough to love or who would want to love you just because of your current feelings, it’s natural to feel this way AT FIRST but NOT NATURAL to constantly feel this way.
And worst,To expect an ex to come crawling back or want to see you soon after a break is foolish.There is no time limit on getting back together if it is even possible. People have to change because they want to NOT because they are TOLD to.
It takes time to get to the point where you can start thinking about yourself more than your ex. It may seem like an eternity but I promise you when thoughts of your ex creep in, push them out and tell yourself that you will think of the later. The way I see things is if it doesn’t benefit you in a POSITIVE way, let it go. Why focus on the negative when being positive is 10000% more potent? By learning from your breakup and not feeling sorry for yourself or taking responsibility the break you will be slowly be learning to let go one day at a time.
The sun will shine on you again. The smiles that left your lips will once again show in the eyes of friends, family and coworkers. Have faith in yourself and don’t let anything stand your way.
It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.
See you!
