Diary: In the nicest way possible PART 2

(play this song for feels)

Next day comes, Morning has come and as i opened my eyes, my mind recalled what happened late last night. I checked my phone and read our earlier conversation, as i read her replies, it all sinks in to me now. She dumped me in the nicest way possible and puts me in the zone which all male species hates, the "Friendzone". yes my friends i'm just a friend to her.

Blankly staring my room's ceiling and still awed to the fact that i'm in the friendzone.

I hate myself.. well just a little. i assume things easily that there's something between us but in reality i'm the only one feeling it. well there's nothing i can do about it now. i already told her, it was my decision to go "YOLO". I get up on my bed like nothing happened but deep inside i know my heart is broken, but the weird part is i feel no pain. i should felt dejected to the certainty that she can't reciprocate my feelings towards her. i feel weird.

While doing my morning routine i get a message from her, saying sorry because she fall asleep last night and didn't reply on my message. i told her it was all good and i understand so no worries. She told me she's going out with her bestfriend, They want to go to Binondo and visits the Chinatown there to stroll and eat some chinese delicacies. She asked me if i know the way there because she and her bestfriend had no idea. I've been there few times so i know the place so i told them how to get there.

She asked me if i want to come with them because she feels scared that she and her bestfriend might get lost on the way there. Without hesitation.. of course i said "Yes".

I had errands to do so i told her that i will be a little late.

On my way to the meeting place, i don't know why but i feel excited and eager to see her despite she "Friendzoned" me. Okay it's not the right time to think about this things, i need to ninja'ed my way there beacuse i'm really late. It took me a while reaching the meeting place because i had to walk a long way there.

As i walk towards them, i caught them fooling around putting make up, for me it was a little funny though, She introduced me to her bestfriend and i introduced myself. Her bestfriend is cool, jolly, funny, entertaining and a little bit crazy, she's fun to be with.

So after meeting them, i guided them going to Chinatown. They are having fun while strolling the streets. Taking instagram-worthy pictures, goofing around, having fun and exploring the city with smiles in their faces. We ate at a chinese restaurant and believe me they ordered so much food like it was The Last Supper. We also went to a chinese candy store where they sell authentic chinese made candies. The owner of the store gave us a free sample to taste. it was a Ginger type of candy and God it was unpleasant tasting it. After the candy store, we went to a cafe. we chilled there for a while, sip some coffee and relax ourselves.

After the cafe, we went to a mall, they bought some things and stroll for a little bit and take pictures. After the mall we head to Quiapo Church to ask for grace. For me it was kinda memorable, Why because it was the first time i held hands with her, Uhmm while singing for grace of course. LOL.
After the Church, it's time to go home because its getting late already.

When i got home, we still exchanged messages, she told me that she and her bestfriend are having make up session, she send me some videos of them doing make up and it was cool and funny though watching them goofing around.

In my room, i head to my bed and i remember the question to myself earlier. Why am i excited and eagerly to see her despite she dumped me and put me in the friendzone? Maybe because my feelings towards her still clings on my mind or maybe i still hope that someday she'll realize my sincere feeling towards her and she will give me a chance to proving it to her or maybe, maybe I haven't accepted the reality that i have no chance to her and my defense mechanism kicks in protecting my ego not getting hurt and leaves an impression of me being stupid or maybe, maybe, maybe I accepted the fact that were really are just friends and were just happy accompanying each other.

I'm still unsure why my feelings towards her still holds on. I guess i really fall deeply to her and i do really love her. With all those maybe's and what if's, I honestly feel I'm doing the right thing, just doing my best without any regrets.


For how long my affection towards her lasts?..
Time will tell...


See you...

Diary: In the nicest way possible PART 1

(play this song for feels)



Two days ago, it was a gloomy evening. I'm at my room, lying in my bed. thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking but my scumbag brain keep insisting. So what am i thinking about? if i should tell the girl that i like if there something between us... The dilemma is real my friends.

It started when i was chatting with her that day, i was comforting her because she failed on one of her important examination. Just like any other person, she felt devastated and depressed. I'm giving her some words of encouragement to lift up her spirits, telling her that people failed so they can do better next time.

I'm at my bed, waiting for her replies. then out of the blue, I'm thinking about my feelings towards her. I'm asking myself if it is just an infatuation or there is something more than that. I really feel there something between us, something that can grow... something that makes my heart flutter, something they called "Love". I'm pretty sure to myself that i really like this girl. no question needed, that's how i felt. Then i suddenly told her that there's something i want to tell her.

At this moment i realize how stupid i am, Like what am i thinking? this isn't the right time to confess to her. She's still grieving on her exam. i don't want to be a burden or add more pressure on her, or sacrifice our friendship on this matter, This kind of things should be done face to face between both of us, not on this silly Chat app. Why?? Brain, why you do this to me. So I told her just ignore what i just have said, but she keep insisting, I really don't want to tell her how i feel, I'm not ready for her answer. But sadly in the end. i told her.

There is a saying "If you want it, Go for it. Take a risk, don't play it safe or you'll die wondering". Myself is split into two. One who's telling me don't say it and the other one who's telling me that i should tell her cause "YOLO". i did take risk and go "YOLO", i know it's lame to express my feelings thru text messages but oh well, YOLO.

I did tell her what i'm thinking. it was short and direct.. like "You know I've been thinking,  We've known each other for quite some time now, is there something between us? i want to be honest with you, i feel something". My hands was literally shaking asking that, I'm so nervous and excited at the same time waiting for her response. She'd replied in a lengthy message. it was real talk, I'm speechless. to summarize her response, she wasn't looking for a relationship yet, she said that she has other priorities rather than loving a partner. Her self esteem is still low to give love to others. She's still waiting for the perfect time to be in a relationship. she told me that maybe we have a lot something in common that's why i feel there's something between us. She's not feeling the same way. In short. I'm just a friend. nothing more, nothing less. I was dumped in the nicest way possible.

I'm speechless. really i am. i don't know what to say. it took me a while to gather my thoughts. i did respond to her saying that i apologized that these things should be told face to face, i respect her decision and that i'm happy when were together or when were talking non-stop. I honestly feel that there's something between us, i don't intend to expect something in return, i just want her to know what i feel and if there's a slightest chance that i can prove my feelings towards her, i'll do my best to prove it into actions.


She told me that i am free to date anyone if someone fits my criteria, were just friends and we are not dating so there should be no pressure between us. She told me also that she appreciates my feelings towards her. She has alot to say... i fully understand what she means, on what kind of situation she's having, on what she's feeling right now. I'm listening to every bit of her words. My mind could only agree on what she says. No pressure, be happy on what we have right now and lets just enjoy each others company.

My heart was broken but i feel no pain, am i weird?


The Next Day... To be continued :)


See you..