Diary: In the nicest way possible PART 1

(play this song for feels)



Two days ago, it was a gloomy evening. I'm at my room, lying in my bed. thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking but my scumbag brain keep insisting. So what am i thinking about? if i should tell the girl that i like if there something between us... The dilemma is real my friends.

It started when i was chatting with her that day, i was comforting her because she failed on one of her important examination. Just like any other person, she felt devastated and depressed. I'm giving her some words of encouragement to lift up her spirits, telling her that people failed so they can do better next time.

I'm at my bed, waiting for her replies. then out of the blue, I'm thinking about my feelings towards her. I'm asking myself if it is just an infatuation or there is something more than that. I really feel there something between us, something that can grow... something that makes my heart flutter, something they called "Love". I'm pretty sure to myself that i really like this girl. no question needed, that's how i felt. Then i suddenly told her that there's something i want to tell her.

At this moment i realize how stupid i am, Like what am i thinking? this isn't the right time to confess to her. She's still grieving on her exam. i don't want to be a burden or add more pressure on her, or sacrifice our friendship on this matter, This kind of things should be done face to face between both of us, not on this silly Chat app. Why?? Brain, why you do this to me. So I told her just ignore what i just have said, but she keep insisting, I really don't want to tell her how i feel, I'm not ready for her answer. But sadly in the end. i told her.

There is a saying "If you want it, Go for it. Take a risk, don't play it safe or you'll die wondering". Myself is split into two. One who's telling me don't say it and the other one who's telling me that i should tell her cause "YOLO". i did take risk and go "YOLO", i know it's lame to express my feelings thru text messages but oh well, YOLO.

I did tell her what i'm thinking. it was short and direct.. like "You know I've been thinking,  We've known each other for quite some time now, is there something between us? i want to be honest with you, i feel something". My hands was literally shaking asking that, I'm so nervous and excited at the same time waiting for her response. She'd replied in a lengthy message. it was real talk, I'm speechless. to summarize her response, she wasn't looking for a relationship yet, she said that she has other priorities rather than loving a partner. Her self esteem is still low to give love to others. She's still waiting for the perfect time to be in a relationship. she told me that maybe we have a lot something in common that's why i feel there's something between us. She's not feeling the same way. In short. I'm just a friend. nothing more, nothing less. I was dumped in the nicest way possible.

I'm speechless. really i am. i don't know what to say. it took me a while to gather my thoughts. i did respond to her saying that i apologized that these things should be told face to face, i respect her decision and that i'm happy when were together or when were talking non-stop. I honestly feel that there's something between us, i don't intend to expect something in return, i just want her to know what i feel and if there's a slightest chance that i can prove my feelings towards her, i'll do my best to prove it into actions.


She told me that i am free to date anyone if someone fits my criteria, were just friends and we are not dating so there should be no pressure between us. She told me also that she appreciates my feelings towards her. She has alot to say... i fully understand what she means, on what kind of situation she's having, on what she's feeling right now. I'm listening to every bit of her words. My mind could only agree on what she says. No pressure, be happy on what we have right now and lets just enjoy each others company.

My heart was broken but i feel no pain, am i weird?


The Next Day... To be continued :)


See you..